...Self-Planned Pity Parties

The only thing I want to do before I PCS this summer is go to Jumpmaster School.  OK, wait, lets be honest…maybe not the ONLY thing.  I’d also like to win the lottery; cure cancer; or find a cache of gold buried in my backyard by a hereto unknown Ponce de Leon expedition (disregard the fact that A – Ponce de Leon did not explore north of the 30th parallel; B – I would have to excavate through 3 feet of pine needles to even reach my backyard; and C – I’m pretty sure I don’t even own a shovel).  Let me clarify…the only REALISTIC thing I want to do before I PCS this summer is go to Jumpmaster School.

Well…this girl was ready to go.  Knew the nomenclature cold.  Killed the pre-test (thanks Jon for tipping me off to iron my Hook Pile Tape Lowering Line!)  Memorized pre-jump verbatim.  Three words:  Ready.  To.  Go.  One more word:  Motivated.  Not a fan of that word but Army people like it so I’ll use it in this case.   So “motivated” she sat outside for two hours prior to show time in 20 degree weather to attempt to get a walk-on slot.  I am not making this up…2 hours.  20 degrees.

I won’t expound on the gory details of why this girl didn’t get a slot.  We’ll just say it is not easy for a non-division individual to walk on to the 82nd ABN Division Jumpmaster School.  That doesn’t make this girl any less disappointed.

So what does she do?  Well, to be perfectly honest, she begins to execute the Plan B she started to devise after 1 ½ hours of standing in the cold and realizing she probably wasn’t going to walk-on this month.  She works a hard slot for the next month’s course.  She moves some duties around at work.  She pushes back her PCS timeline to take in to account the fact she will be pre-occupied for the month of April.  She basically resets the conditions that were perfect in March to make them perfect in April.  But then what?  She’s still disappointed and while enacting a plan of action appeases her Right Brain; her Left Brain still wants attention (I have no idea if Positive Thinking and Self Pity emerge from diametrically opposite hemispheres of the brain…but I bet you would have accepted it as fact if not for this aside, huh?).  So she pouts.  She mopes.  She leaves work a little early and puts on her UW fat pants and declares it a night of Taco Bell and beer until she falls asleep on the couch watching Family Guy.  This will be the perfect self-planned pity party to celebrate not getting her way at 6AM that morning yet still scheduled to get her way at 6AM four weeks from now.

And then what happens?  Her phone beeps and it’s a friend “hey, you want to go grab a beer”.  As much as she wants to pout, mope, and be fat and lazy…social interaction takes priority.  And then what happens?  He invites her to jump with them on Thursday.  OK, fine, as much as I want to feel sorry for myself, if I can’t go to JM school this month, strap-hanging on a C130 jump is a decent consolation prize.