...An Open Letter to the Bomber

I’m not sure what you hoped to accomplish with your little stunt.  Was it to turn Americans against each other?  Fail.  Just look at the outpouring of support and patriotism that comes after an incident like this.  You may have heard that the entire arena sung the national anthem in unison at the Boston Bruins game on Wednesday.  Was it to show us we’re vulnerable and you can get to us?  Fail.  We already know that.  You’ll always be able to get to us if you really want to.  That’s called a free society and that’s what we love about this place.  We’ll take some risks in order to keep our freedom.  Was it to make us afraid?  Fail.  Americans have taken to the streets in a show of solidarity.  Have you noticed everyone running in old race bibs?  That’s to show you that you can’t scare us.  You mean nothing to us.  We'll continue to run despite your antics.  Was it to cause mass carnage?  If so, you’re doing it wrong.  Again...Fail.

You have failed.  You have failed your family.  They are disgusted at what you’ve become.  You have failed your cause.  It is more discredited now than ever.  You have failed your God by turning His once beautiful religion in to an abhorrent disgrace to humankind.  He looks down on you and glares.  You have failed in this just like you have failed in all of life. 

But guess what?  We won’t fail.  You’ll see.  Do you hear that bark outside?  That’s the sheepdog getting closer.  That knock on your door?  That is America coming to exact her justice.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but we will come.  Because your God is the same as our God and he looks down on us and smiles.  And we do not fail.  

...Raw

Let me tell you about my experience with the Raw Diet.  Or, more appropriately (although I’m a not proud to admit) the 7-Day Detox Diet.  Let this be a warning to you.  (Although my friends and family are typically more intelligent than me so they probably don’t need to be warned about this).  But first let me back up 17 days.  Two weeks on the road equals eating out (tastes great…questionable nutritional content), airport food (doesn’t taste great…don’t want to think about the nutritional content), few trips to the gym, and a sleep cycle that has been turned around 180 degrees.  Literally.  So after 17 days of Hawaiian Sushi, Japanese Ramen, Korean Kimchi, and airline chicken (lots and lots of airline chicken), I came home to a freezer containing nothing but leftovers from Thanksgiving 2011, some expired pie crusts, and a frozen bag of edamame.  So I do what any sane American who thanks God that she was born in this blessed country would do, I throw the bag of edamame in the microwave, open a bottle of wine, and order a pizza.  And then I do what any jet lagged traveller who has travelled over 17,600 miles over a 12 day span would do, throughout the weekend I drink multiple bottles of wine and ate like I was 15 again.  Tired, jet lagged, and overall feeling like crap I had a fit of jet-lagged brilliance, I needed to shock my system back in to a healthy state of balance.  Which leads to the crazy idea of a 24hr fast.  Which leads to the even crazier idea of a 7-Day Detox Diet.  Which leads ultimately to this post.

Here was the plan:

Day 1: Water

Day 2: 100% Fruit Juice

Day 3:  Raw fruits and vegetables

Day 4:  Raw fruits and vegetables

Day 5:  Raw fruits and vegetables

Day 6:  Raw fruits and vegetables

Day 7:  Raw fruits and vegetables

Spoiler Alert:  Its been five days and I’m typing this while drinking a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and munching on some rotisserie chicken.  Obviously not a convert to the “7-Day Detox Diet”.

Let me be clear upfront that I’m not a fan of “dieting”.  I’m a fan of nutritious eating while maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  A healthy body is the product of one simple equation:  Good Calories In is less than or equal to Good Calories Out.  I’ve lived by this basic equation for a long time so I’m not really sure why I got it in my head that I needed to do a 7-Day Detox Day.  I blame this whole thing on a jacked-up sleep cycle.

After Day 2 it turned from a health kick to a dummass idea.  After Day 3 it turned from a dummass idea to pure morbid curiosity.  The interesting thing was that I wasn’t hungry, I just didn’t feel right.  I’ve gone on a hunger kick before.  (Don’t worry mom, it wasn’t a weird eating disorder…it was another example of morbid curiosity).  A few years ago I had read the book “They Poured Fire On Us From the Sky” about Sudan refugees and I wanted to see what true hunger felt like.  I made it 48 hours and wanted to eat my shoe.  The weird thing was that this Raw Diet wasn’t like that.  I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t miserable, I just didn’t feel right. So, after five days of this little experiment, I quit.  So…with that background, let me discount some of the oft-seen propaganda found on websites (if you don’t believe me check out webmd.com, the oracle for all responsible self-diagnosers).

Crazy Propaganda Websites:  We eat so much poor, processed, nutritionally-deficient foods today our organs need to be flushed out periodically.

Me:  Um…no.  Our organs are the product of 10,000 years of development, getting stronger with every generation.  One week of uncooked vegetables will not improve 10,000 years of evolution.

Crazy Propaganda Website:  You will feel sluggish but that is just the toxins leaving your body.

Me:  Um…no.  That is the biological response to your body not getting enough nutrition

Crazy Propaganda Website:  You will feel like you want to do nothing but sleep, that is your body craving processed junk food.

Me:  Um…no.  That is your metabolism slowing to a standstill.  A natural survival reaction perfected over thousands of years in response to famine.

So, the outcome here is that after Day 5 I’m typing this while eating chicken and drinking a glass of wine.  Not a raw vegetable in site.  Well-balanced eating…recommended by healthy, sane individuals everywhere.